Where do I start? In all honesty, I don't know how to begin putting into words why in the world I had so suddenly dropped out of sight from the face of the earth (well of course not really the face of the earth because that would mean I'm dead, so obviously not, because I'm very much alive) - so really I mean the World Wide Web.
So... yeah. I went soul searching. I had to find the true meaning of my existence in the world. Had to re-access what I really want in life, what I see myself doing in the next, 5 maybe 10 years. Do I really want what I'm doing right now? Am I going to be perpetually stuck in the "Peter Pan Syndrome" everyone has been talking about?
What... a.. load... of... cr@p... I stopped blogging because I was depressed. That's the plain and simple truth of everything. Who would want to start writing about pretty, beautiful things when you don't see yourself as such? I just lost my job and I'll talk about Nars Audacious in Anita?! Discuss why Milani's Luminoso blush is my favorite while musing how come after 5 years since having broken up with my last boyfriend, I still seem to have not moved on?
In every single time I put myself in front of the computer to start writing, I get slammed right back to just curling under a rock and trudge along to getting through the day. And social network has not been kind to me. Just opening my Facebook and seeing those pretty happy posts popping up? 567 likes to that new couple getting married, 125 likes just for the new profile photo, oh how about 1,000 hits of pain stabbing my heart and pulverizing it into pieces?
Yes I am bitter, do I get a like from that too?
I just had to leave. I was too bitter to try getting better in Manila. I had to be literally away - 8,941 miles exactly, to put distance from the craziness so that I can start anew. It may not be the holy grail answer to my depression but it is helping, much more than anyone can see. I wake up each day so excited to what this new land can offer (not a direct quote from John Smith, but close) which to me itself has been a blessing already.
I know I am getting there. Just being able to write this for all of you to see is a monumental feat for me. Am I better enough that I can write about Tarte's Energy Noir palette again? Probably, but half-way I may still wince, abandon it, keep it in the drafts like the Estee Lauder Golden gift set for a year and a half. But I will keep trying and hope that tomorrow, I do get to finally finish it before it becomes out of stock.
Peace out!
Hey Faith! Charm here from GSM not sure you remember me? Anyway, I stumbled upon this blog trying to look for a review of Make Up Factory's Camouflage Cream. Turns out your other blog was NOT about it, lol. But hope you're doing a lot better now. It is brave of you to come out and say it's not that okay, coz sometimes it's just what it is. FB sucks like that -- everyone seems so happy, no? But I doubt that.
ReplyDeleteHey Charm! Of course I remember you! Hahahaha, never thought that someone I know would stumble upon this little blog! Maliit lang talaga ang mundo =) I am thankfully, heaps better since writing this post. It sort of became my turning point. Finally admitting the truth just liberated me. I don't have to hide behind the glamour of jet setting to another country. I do hope you find the right review for the camouflage cream! Unfortunately my makeup bag has been replaced with so much Too Faced that I cannot remember Make Up Factory so much.
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